I’ve been quietly watching some situations unfold in different organisations I’m working with. They’re messy. They’re political. And they have one common theme running through – leaders who lack self awareness.

Leaders who do not succeed in their careers, or plateau at a certain level, or create an extraordinary amount of tension with an organisation, often tend to be the ones who lack self-awareness. As smart and as skilled as these people may be, they don’t really know themselves and this lack of self-awareness can derail them when it comes to facing new leadership challenges.

High performing leaders are highly conscious of their thoughts, behaviours and feelings as they move through life and how much the “passages of life” can affect how they lead. Working through the significant passages of life and career does require time and discipline, but its benefits for the leader, the people they lead and the business they work in can be quite substantial. Only when people know themselves, acknowledge their experiences and feelings and confront their humanity in all of that, do they develop resilience, adaptability and increased options to move forward even more successfully.

The odds are that you’ve gone through at least one of these “passages of life” listed below:

• Joining a new company
• Moving into a leadership role
• Dealing with a significant failure
• Coping with a poor boss or challenging colleagues
• Being part of an acquisition or merger
• Moving to work in a different country or culture
• Facing personal upheaval

From this list, choose one that you’ve experienced fairly recently and then reflect on these questions:

• What analysis did you make of the situation at the time, and now?
• How much of what happened do you feel able to own?
• How has this situation motivated you to reassess certain things?
• It’s likely that you may face a similar situation again in the future – not exact, but similar. What do you believe you need to do to equip yourself to manage it in the best possible way?

As you reflect back, perhaps you recognise that you became defensive at times and blamed others/the process/the situation. Perhaps you simply rushed through it, anxious get it behind you and avoid dealing with the issues it raised. And note – these are entirely human responses and nothing to be ashamed of. But in leadership it is critical that we do acknowledge what happened, how it happened and what our role was within it. It is not our job to get everything right. It is our job to learn and apply the insights we have gleaned.

Be encouraged; lead well.